In my opinion, a recurring pattern is one of the most fascinating elements of the human experience. But before I begin, let me explain what I mean by facing your patterns.
When we prepare our arrival on earth, we choose beforehand a number of big themes we will be experiencing in this life. These themes are components of the human existence which we want to explore, understand and hopefully, master. They differ from person to person, but often family members have common themes. Some of us will explore betrayal, others will deal with control, vulnerability, jealousy, etc. There’s a whole bunch of different themes.
So the real question is, why would we want to experience patterns? The answer is to learn as quickly and efficiently as possible. The best way to do that is to actually live through a multitude of situations, so we can eventually integrate the lessons on a first hand basis.
Have you ever noticed that certain situations are recurring in your life? Patterns!
Whether it’s a demanding boss, health problems or phobias, patterns can hide under all sorts of shapes and forms. One of the best aspects of my job is to help somebody become aware of them, so they can learn the darn lesson and move on. Indeed, when patterns are acknowledged and understood, they lose their reason for being. Therefore the recurrent problematic situations become less frequent, and eventually disappear altogether.
For me, my main pattern was control (I also have to learn about self-doubt and guilt, but that’s for another blog). I began to be aware of my pattern of control in my twenties, when I was faced with a bunch of uncontrollable situations. Whether it was cancer, miscarriages, or having twins, I faced a series of situations which made me realize I had to let go of control. And let me tell you, there is nothing more difficult to control than a set of babies who do not sleep through the night during almost 4 years.
(By the way, be nice and don’t share this info with your friends about to have twins. They don’t need to be freaked out too early. They’ll learn soon enough.)
These difficult situations forced me to face my pattern of control face on, and challenged me to the core.
It took a while because I was a bit stubborn. I tried, against all odds, to keep my life (and my house) in order, in spite of sheer exhaustion. Finally, thanks to a burn-out, I realized that I had casted upon myself unrealistic expectations, which went against my actual definition of happiness.
But let’s be clear, I do not claim to have achieved perfection, and I admit without shame that even today, I sometimes return to my old habits. I let myself be stressed out and I sometime forget what is really important for me. When that happens, I recognized the signs that something is not fluid. I pause, I breathe in the emotion brought on by that specific pattern, and analyses what I am meant to understand in that moment. Then I acknowledge that the house is a mess, but I still decide to sit down with my boys to watch a movie and eat popcorn. . I’ll clean the house (and the popcorn bits on the floor) when they moved out.
So facing a pattern doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does take time and a desire for introspection. Take a moment to look at what is not fluid in your life, what bothers you. Think about the different situations that really got to you, because these are clues of a pattern. When something is recurrent and really makes you cringe, bingo! Once you’ve done that, start thinking about the possible lessons behind the darn pattern. Don’t be discourage if you don’t understand on the first try. Perseverance will definitively pay off.
But why would we go through all that trouble, you might ask? Because it’s liberating. I am no longer a victim when a series of unfortunate situation arises, because I face them, learn from them and then kick them out the door. And that, for me, is how I create and preserve my happiness.
So If you need help to identify or free yourself from your patterns, do not hesitate to contact me for a private consultation!
Have a good week!